WELP I haven't sent anything since October 10 apparently. And that's because since my last email, I have been living with a slow-motion gynecological apocalypse that finally culminated in the unintentional expulsion of my IUD a little over two weeks ago. And then I experienced a breakup(?) (just leave the question mark alone for now lol) AND THEN I had a bout of pleurisy which made it impossible to breathe without sometimes excruciating pain. AND THEN my chest X-ray came back abnormal so I spent maybe 18 hours wondering if I was developing walking pneumonia or a slowly collapsing lung or cancer. (I have none of those things, but overall hauling myself around to healthcare facilities while running on fumes is not an experience I recommend.) ALSO this country elected a horrible person who hates everything about me and many of the people I love, so that's cool.

IN THE SAME PERIOD OF TIME I also:

• Started and finished my first clinical rotation with the craniofacial team and general pediatrics
• Finished a graduate level molecular biology course (that I SINCERELY HOPE is the last one I ever have to take)
• Visited my Indiana home and experienced the ease of being somewhere I don't need Google Maps to navigate and having most meals just appear on the table in front of me
• Spent some precious time with my friend whose daughter is checked in at CCHMC for leukemia treatment
• Got my first two countable cases in clinic (meaning I took more than 50% of the roles in the session)
• Started my podcast project (more on that in a minute)
• Parented by myself for 23 days in a row minus a 2-day interlude around day 12

To say I'm tired would be an understatement. Before Thanksgiving I fell into a rather deep existential depression, some of which I'm still wrestling with. I surprised even myself with how quickly my brain jumped to the conclusion that (waves vaguely at God/universe/whatever) was punishing me for choosing myself and my child over my marriage and for showing up honestly in a romantic relationship for the first time idk ever maybe. I didn't expect that it would be easy to do grad school while solo parenting 70+% of the time, but I was really hoping not to be actively opposed by (waves vaguely at the universe again) while I am intentionally trying to do good and do well. After getting a few uninterrupted nights of sleep and some time to stare into the void, I am slightly more willing to accept that I just had a really bad streak of luck last month, but randomness is not particularly comforting either.

As always, I carry on without a clear idea of how things will work out, because what else can I do?

One thing I've done is abandon all hope of transitions in this email. So I'm going to tell you about my new podcast project now!

I am working on a podcast called Fishing for Bicycles about dating after divorce or otherwise ending a long-term relationship. I've already had so many conversations with people in my life about how they navigated building new connections after ending a long-term relationships and it seemed like something that others could learn from as well. Launch date is still TBD but I'm hoping around the new year. If you'd like to contribute to the startup costs (audio processing, podcast and website hosting), you can leave a gift here.

RFS (Request for Suggestions)

I'll just take whatever positive and protective energy you can spare because I really do not need any more minor to moderate disasters, thanks.

What I'm Reading

​Let's be friends on Storygraph, the non-Amazon version of Goodreads that comes WITH CHARTS ABOUT BOOKS!

I just finished two fluffy romances that were both solid 4s for fans of light, low-spice romance. Literally nothing innovative but exactly the sort of low-stakes nonsense I need right now.

• By the Book by Jasmine Guillory: Beauty and the Beast remix. Belle works in the publishing industry and Beast is a celebrity bad boy who owes Belle's boss a memoir. She very very very believably invites herself into Beast's mansion to help him write the book and obviously they fall in love in the library. Mega bonus points for the beef ragout, cheese souffle Easter egg.
• Dungeons and Drama by Kristy Boyce: YA, fake dating for revenge (the best fake dating subtype), mild enemies to lovers, saving the high school musical, HOMECOMING DANCE, just...inject all of this straight into my veins, please

Acknowledgements

I'm drafting the acknowledgements section of my book little by little every week.

Thank you to Josey and Knic for piloting my podcast process. While I am theoretically opposed to learning any more lessons for this year, I can't help it when I'm surrounded by such delightfully honest and generous people. Everyone else, I can't wait to share these conversations with you.