A few weeks ago I went for a hike at Keehner Park, which I had never been to before. I looked up a route on AllTrails to check mileage ahead of time, but decided to just follow the trail signs when I got there. Which worked fine until about 10 minutes in when I encountered this:

It turns out that there are WAY MORE TRAILS at Keehner Park than are marked on AllTrails. By this point I had already wandered away from the loop I'd planned to take through the woods, though I wasn't too far off (yet).

Somewhat uncharacteristically, I refused to scan the provided QR code for a full trail map. I didn't want to be glued to my phone while hiking. I wanted to see what was out there. I trusted that I could myself get back, and it wasn't such a big park that I had to worry about getting too far away from civilization.

So I chose the trails that weren't marked on the map I had, but that someone had made and others had hiked before me.

And with an occasional check of AllTrails to orient myself, I made it back to my car in one piece because I knew where I was trying to go.

A little on the nose, I'm aware.

But intentionally taking the unmarked trails is pretty significant for me, considering I bought my 2025 planner in December 2023. (And now...I don't want to use it because it's too big to lug back and forth from the hospital almost every day and the layout is really not an efficient one for my purposes I'M SORRY I'M LIKE THIS DOES ANYONE WANT TO BUY A FULL-SIZE PASSION PLANNER FROM ME.)

I had a map for how I thought my life would go, and I wandered purposefully walked away from a path that had already brought suffering and would undoubtedly bring more. And then I had a choice whether to get on the same marked trail in a different environment. Whether to once again pursue a type of relationship that makes it all too easy for me to feel insecure, devalue my own enjoyment, and fixate on a future outcome at the expense of the present moment. (After a LOT of reflection, I truly believe that the type of relationship is the main issue I'm currently facing, though the person(s) involved contribute as well.) This time I'm choosing some different trails and trusting myself to find my way to where I need to be.

What I'm Reading

Let's be friends on Storygraph, the non-Amazon version of Goodreads that comes WITH CHARTS ABOUT BOOKS!

• I just finished Just for the Summer by Abby Jimenez. It skimmed a little close to home with an avoidantly attached protagonist who (thinks she) doesn't want to deal with her love interest's sibling caregiving responsibilities, but is fine lol. The story felt ever so gently overwrought with on-the-nose symbolism no one really asked for, but it was still enjoyable. 4/5
• I am...possibly rereading Cixin Liu's To Hold Up the Sky. I don't remember reading it before but a lot of the stories seem very familiar, but the tone and themes are also similar to Ken Liu and Ted Chiang's sci-fi anthologies. In any case I'm enjoying it!

Acknowledgements

I'm drafting the acknowledgements section of my book little by little every week.

My therapist truly deserves a million dollars a day.